This summer, after over a year of helping people as a health-care professional during a pandemic, my wife needed a break, so I took her and our daughter on a vacation. Since my wife will be retiring soon, we wanted to see if Hawaii could be our new home. Because of the universities, modern conveniences, and plentiful restaurants, I selected various locations around Oahu for 18 days, not just the touristy places. I didn't plan too much. We decided to wing it.
Health
The rules for what we needed for the trip changed weekly, but two things held constant while there.
1) Once we uploaded our COVID results to https://travel.hawaii.gov/, everyone wanted to see it before we could get off the plane, rent a room, or get into a car. Nobody cares about the paper card they stamp at the airport. The big green check mark on your phone is a requirement. It doesn't matter how long ago you took it. Don't let your phone battery die!
2) Mask anytime you set foot inside or on the bus. Even bodega managers will chase you off if you're waiting for your group in their front archway. Pack a spare mask with your sunscreen and water bottles just in case.
Most if your activities should be outdoors, so this won't matter often. On the left a shot from the top of Diamond Head on day two.
Transportation
Transportation is the biggest expense an hassle on the island. Fresh off the plane on the Fourth of July, the 8 mile trip to Waikiki Beach spiked from $50 to over $100 on Uber. Screw that. We paid $1.25 a person to ride the public bus. Once in town, stop at any ABC store, and you can travel anywhere on the island for $2.50 a day. Download the free Moovit app onto your phone to see what route to use, where the stops are, and when the buses arrive. While we waited, natives drove by with Hawaiian flags or upside-down US flags on the back, honking in protest to statehood. The stop for our hotel was a princess statue in a well-groomed park, where they polish the stone walkways daily.
For the last four days on the island, we rented a car. Hertz closed two hours before their website said and then yelled at us for half an hour, complain about entitled haolies and how our visits are driving up real-estate prices for them so they have to work two jobs. The bargain car of about $150 a day we reserved didn't matter. They jacked the price by $70 a day before they would let us have *any* vehicle. A car there runs more than a good hotel room, plus $35 a day to park it inside Honolulu. Avoid this. Even on the North Shore, with only one road, traffic moves at 5 mph, and there's nowhere to park.
Food
To make the trip cost-effective and more like what it would be living there, we decided to only eat one big meal out a day. Even the food trucks in Honolulu are pricy. For $15, you can have mystery meat in Styrofoam and a can of Coke, but for $30 each, you can have bread, linen, and unlimited refills at Cheesecake Factory. The rest of meals would be snacks from the grocery store and leftovers, so all our rooms have a fridge/microwave. Our first stop was Walmart, where we filled our backpacks with granola bars, lunch meat, tortillas, and drinks. Target has better prices on some things. In general, the farther you get from the beach, the less the same item will cost.
Our favorite places were a make-your-own enchilada place on the beach and the second-floor restaurant in a hotel. Both had great views while you dine if you do so before dark. Most people wait until nightfall to dress for dinner. Avoid the waits and go early. That launch place with the line wrapped around the corner isn't worth an hour in the sun. Even McDonalds can have a long queue.
Housing
Don't pick the cheapest place you can find. Ours was made of cinderblock, nestled in a construction zone, surrounded by homeless camps and echoing of domestic violence that leak in the louver blinds if you don't have the deafening jet-engine AC cranked. Seriously, we had ear damage. At $96 a night, the owning hotel a block away added $25 a night in resort fees because we could walk over and get a cup of coffee, change our towels out, borrow a $2 floaty, or get a local newspaper. See left for the view out our window.
The midrange hotel has a view of the beach from a mile a away over the park. However, it was centrally located for walking. Breakfast always burned the whole voucher, even if you only ordered a muffin.
The high-end hotel had a great view but only two elevators for 30 floors and a limit of one family to a car. So the lines were always long to return to the room or leave. Also, a lot of amenities just didn't exist due to COVID (like the hot tub) or were limited due to understaffing (one ice machine hidden in the parking garage beside the laundry machines.)
The best hotel turned out to be the one on the west side of the island at the corner of a mall. It was spacious, only three stories, with easy access to everything, great parking, and fantastic variety for reasonable food. I ate at Cinnabon and Five Guys a lot that stay. They were also 10 minutes away from the Disney beach. This was our home-base when we did our real exploration. We literally drove around the entire island (except where blocked by military bases). I tried to take a photo of mother and daughter on every beach.
Fun Things to Do
My favorite activities were free. Since we walked many places, we admired the flowers and tiny birds. While touring the university, the imported mongeese were awesome. The prettiest stop was Manoa Falls. Not only was the rainforest gorgeous, but people was covered in mud afterward.
My wife went to every fabric store and Ross Dress for Less on the island. She also stood by tourist spots and offered to take photos of people with their families.
My daughter got to learn stand-up paddle boarding and test-drive a Tesla around the city. We experienced a moment of "white privilege" at the mall when they saw my wife's "Dr" e-mail (she has a PhD in counseling) and bent over backwards trying to put us into a sportscar. The acceleration even to 30 was enough to strain my neck. I climbed out of the cockpit as soon as I could and played Pokemon Go while they had fun. The induction chargers built-in to the dash were sweet, though.
The historical tour at Pearl Harbor was stark and a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but I think the .most startling events were the rainbows--unexpected and spectacular.
Things I Didn't Enjoy
Every corner of Oahu had some hidden beauty. However, when summing up the extended stay, there were things we didn't like so much--deal-breakers for my migration.
1) How long the flight takes. It costs a lot of endurance to take that volume crammed in like sardines, and we wouldn't be able to visit friends and family on the mainland much.
2) The ever-present homeless. They're near every park or beach. In Honolulu, you can't walk anywhere without encountering a camp of them sprawled over a sidewalk. Behind our hotel, one had a dumping ground where they got rid of things they didn't want from stolen tourist bags. At sundown, you didn't dare encroach on someone's regular territory.
3) The smell of weed. We steered our daughter around the aroma an average of eight times a day. We were approached about a purchase in line at the ice cream store. The local cops have enough on their hands that this doesn't even show up on the radar.
4) Lack of beach access. All beaches are public, but getting there can be difficult. No parking and a three-foot path that's trash-strewn and a little dangerous. Adjacent property owners can be unfriendly. Some beaches have lots that fill up at 7 a.m. Others treat your rental car like an ATV. Often, you'll find vehicles that have been abandoned for years, but nobody tows them.
5) Inconsistency of zoning. You can see a million-dollar mansion with barred windows right next to a trailer park, with cops putting on tactical gear to the strains of Bad Boys.
6) A general feeling of resentment against outsiders. After talking to some people on the bus, unless I could tell the locals which high school I attended, they would never accept me.
