Hobbit 3: the Mighty War Moose -- Canadian

As I watched the third installment of the Hobbit from a dangerously chilly theater in Minnesota, I recall complaining about the lack of physics in the film. Sir Isaac Newton would have been aghast. But when the Wood Elf, Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly), came on the screen, someone whispered, "Canadian." [film still from wikipedia] And she is. Just as Galadriel (Cate Blanchet) is Australian. [photo from IMDB]

Suddenly, Mr. Jackson's instruction became clear. The entire series was illuminating the allegories buried in Tolkien.

You doubt? It's no coincidence that Tolkien was sending the stories to his son, Christopher, fighting the returning menace of Germany in the Middle East (Sauron in Middle Earth). I knew in middle school when I read the series originally that the dwarves represented the Jewish people -- twelve tribes, the last split into the two half tribes as twins. At the birth of the country of Israel, there were indeed five armies engaged around the Holy Land. In my youthful innocence, I assumed this was the extent of the metaphor, but Mr. Jackson opened my eyes.

When the mighty war moose of Thranduil [from the lotr.wikia] thundered onto the screen, I knew--the northern Wood Elves were indeed Canadian. Their armor was spotless, and I think I even saw them picking up trash from the street of Dale while they delivered their humanitarian supplies. Moreover, elves as a whole represented the immortal United Kingdom. Mighty in their magic but few in numbers, these colonists of the Holy Land are forced to give up their colonies after the second war and sail back across the waters to their original home, the gray and rainy havens. How could I have missed this?

The elvish men were pretty and slightly effeminate, indicating a high incidence of estrogen in their river, like London. Okay, that's taking it too far. I'm not jealous of Orlando Bloom, just repeating what a London resident told me on the train to Paris. Not wishing to offend any other ethnic group, I cannot speculate on who the orcs, goblins, and trolls allies of Hitler might have been. Nor can I speculate on the politician who may have inspired Gollum. My family did, however, take a vote. In this long battle film, the moose was the best and most realistic fighter. We all mourned his passing. He was, we all agreed, Canadian. We were proud to have him as one of our considerate neighbors of the north.