I got my first bad rating on Jez today from http://www.bookingit.net/?p=2851
I'm going to try to summarize her crits.
+ she liked the two main characters
+ it still kept her turning pages and
+ she wanted to know more about what happened to Daniel and Claudette at the end
+ too many unnecessary characters, in particular,
+ integration of the novella "Icarus Transformation" didn't work for her. (p 221)
+ too long. need to cut all filler not pertinent to the ending. less explanation of abstract ideas and Jezebel's ramblings
Self-check: My wife also complained that the transition to a whole new thread wasn't smooth enough. Are we ever coming back to the Jez thread? I was planning on addressing this when I did the paperback version.
I had one early crit that said I had too many peaks with two stories and not enough to explicitly tie the two parts together.
At this point, I like the second thread. I think it takes the story to another level. Cutting Icarus entirely at this point would leave the story too short, with holes. But she's correct that the integration could be improved. I've had criticisms about too much techno-babble before (Scarab chapter 1). Non-tech readers reach saturation quickly. However, my wife said it passed her glaze-over test. So I need specifics to address this problem.
I asked for details and got none. So for now, I've concentrate on the transition. I'll probably make Jez (Mariposa@FortuneAerospace.com) one of the recipients of the email. By the time she gets PJ's message, she's already on her way to Vegas.